dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
