he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
