So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
