He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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