Jerry, you need to find god
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
