It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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