By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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