how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
