You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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