So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
