did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
