anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize