meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
