I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
