Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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