I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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