Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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