That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
