I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
