you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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