You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
