Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
