I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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