dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
