I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
