guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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