my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
