I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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