My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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