you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think people are normalizing furries
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
