I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
