she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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