I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
