Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
