This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
