5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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