Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
