Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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