Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
