sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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