apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
