omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
