Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
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Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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