Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
