I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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