Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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