Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We have started to decorate penises.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
