I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
a search helicopter?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
