His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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