you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
