absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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