i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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