great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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