She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
