I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
