How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
