"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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