I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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