I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
