I skipped work to stalk him.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
