his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
