At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
