i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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