i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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