He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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