It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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