i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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