i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
