So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel great
I just peed on a car
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone came in the potted fern
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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