At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
