No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
