Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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