So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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