you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
