5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
