the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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