I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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