shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
