the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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