I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
